life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
