Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
