How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
