I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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