U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!