So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".