bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”