Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.