More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
