i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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