he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
