Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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