No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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