I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
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sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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