If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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