I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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