and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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