Just fell off a train. Bad.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
