barbara walters just said penis...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
