I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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