just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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