Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
