my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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