You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
