There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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