Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
