I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
