one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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