i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
