Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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