You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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