my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
