ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
