I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
