I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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