We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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