i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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