I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
