Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
