he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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