Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
