Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
