Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
