well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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