My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
