You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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