I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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