also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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