Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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