Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
