So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
