You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
