it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
