Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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