Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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