does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
