he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
