Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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