I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
