She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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