there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
