he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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