SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
