I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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