Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A bitchslap is in order.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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