You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
