I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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